Editing a Book

I am in the midst of editing a novel and consequently each day is full of surprises. Will I wake and find I have written the most unreadable, godforsaken piece of text ever crafted? Or will I sit down at my computer and scroll through one delightful passage after the next, reassured of my own genius? I love hearing other writers talk about their processes for writing. Creating is beautiful and pure and simple. I hate hearing other writers talk about their editing processes. This involves labor and self-doubt and coming to terms with the fact that fiction is a process that can take years. I have never been more certain of my own worthlessness than when I read about how Lauren Groff “starts something new, she writes it out longhand in large spiral notebooks. After she completes a first draft, she puts it in a bankers box — and never reads it again. Then she’ll start the book over, still in longhand, working from memory.”

At the Cape

After living in Massachusetts for nearly two years, I only just visited Cape Cod for the first time. A friend told me they knew of a “secret beach” near the Wellfleet area and so, on the Fourth of July, we drove the two hours out from Camrbidge. After turning off the highway, a gravel road gave way to a dirt road gave way to a sand road. My mind began to fill with visions of my hybrid, wheels spinning in sand, and my cellphone signal, dead. Just before the panic attack exploded into sobs and shakes, the dunes emerged through the forest and we were there, one of the most beautiful landscapes I’ve ever seen in my life. A goal for myself in the future is to be less skittish about wading into the ocean.

Chappell Roan

She is the moment and she deserves it all. Her success is so deserved and I am eager to remain a devotee for the years to come. I have also been listening to a lot of Laufey, Ichiko Aoba, Charli (though my Brat Girl Summer dreams remain elusive), and Kara Jackson. In fact, the lattermost’s song “no fun/party” may be the purest summation of my feelings these last few months.

Neopets Fixation

I recently achieved a childhood dream of earning a spot on the Neopets Game Room leaderboards. The problem is I have now become fixated on elevating myself from Bronze status to Gold in the game Faerie Bubbles. It’s a shameful situation, really. I will pretend to be doing other, more productive things on my laptop, when in reality I am shooting cartoon bubbles at each other with highly-calculated precision. But I remain convinced I will achieve Gold and, as with all other fixations, see that as my cue to cease the game altogether.

Deciding to be Happy

Life isn’t so simple that one can just “decide to be happy” and make it so. That said, maybe a more appropriate header for this section would be “consciously decided to avoid the sunk cost fallacy” but that doesn’t have the same sparkle. Either way, I do feel my headspace gradually moving into one free of shame and doubt about the direction of my life. There are practical considerations that remain, but those feel less relevant and less practical with each passing day.